He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just had sex bonerless
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
