You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
