Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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