the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
