Please, let me fuck your mom
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
