party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
