My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
