all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
