Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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