I puked a lego.
vagina is talking i cant
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
