There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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