I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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