that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
