fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
