I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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