I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
