i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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