I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
