I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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