Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
