the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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