mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
