I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need a beard to bite.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
