I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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