three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
