I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
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