I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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