I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
