I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
