Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
