it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
