Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
