I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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