i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
