The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
