I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
