i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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