oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
