why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
