i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
