he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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