I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
