god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
