The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
