He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How's work?
Spinning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
