just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
