On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
