Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
