she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
