no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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