EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a search helicopter?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
