I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
