dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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