Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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