Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
