I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
