I'm lost and stupid without you.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
